Esther, your unflinching honesty coupled with dashes of authentic optimism connect past and present with enduring love. In my opinion , this love and honesty are threads that connect all your work - making each piece so uniquely your own.
At the risk of repeating myself, one of the reasons I most appreciate your work is the way you remind me of the true meaning of life - to be where we are honestly, and to love one another fiercely through it all.
Thanks Karin, I really appreciate your endorsement of my writing. Sometimes I worry that I might be repeating my through-line too much! Glad it feels more like a thread, just as you’ve described it.
Isn’t Substack wonderful…seeing others, and being seen in return. I love both. Bless you Karin 🙏❤️
To inquire how someone's heart and being are feeling in the present moment is sorely needed. Just as you stated, not what this grief and loss may become in time, what it is right now. I am going to be dropping down within this and feeling about. A dear friend of mine said she has been feeling 'wonky.' On our last call I asked what wonky means and feels like for her. It was a fascinating call, because we often use our point of reference as that is what we know, yet to ask what it means for another? This is where the gold lives, I believe. Appreciate you team Esther and Dom. You are shining brightly and are our gold. Xo 🌠💫
I’m so touched by your words, Joanie (and Nikki 🥰) I remember in those early days feeling that my job must surely be to find a way out of the pain. Now, with hindsight, I realise that it was to find my love for Dom within it. In my end comments I wanted to recognise this; as you say we don’t always give permission to the griever to BE with the person they’ve lost, even though it’s what their heart is desperately asking for.
I don't think any parent will ever forget the acute pain of losing a child, but in time facing forward we can continue to live and love the child on the other side of the veil. As always, I enjoy your thought provoking writing. It matters not if it was written recently or in the past. Your words land well.
Thanks Nancy…some things will always stay with us. And being able to use what still remains very real for us for others in the dark place we were in, well that feels like something worth doing now ❤️
I'm now into the second year since my daughter's suicide and yes, there are more and more bearable and even good moments. I remember the first time I had an evening with friends where I actually laughed and had fun. It was quite hard to overcome feeling guilty about this. Thanks for the phrase "facing forward'. I love that.
I’m glad you can get behind it too. It’s so important isn’t it to have a language which honours our grief, I know that since this tragedy I have a strong need to relate how this loss feels in a way that is authentic. It sounds as if your natural thirst for living has started to make itself known and personally I see this as a cause for celebration…and honestly, I think your daughter would too.
Sending love and thank you so much for your commenting here Colleen 🤗🙏❤️
I remember reading this amazing post last year Esther and how it offered me such a life raft of hope to cling to. It is such a gift to be able to reread this now, not only with your beautiful reflections and perspective, but also with a sense of my own perspective too, and all the insightful and wonderful comments are the cherry on top! 🍒Thank you so much 🙏🏻💛Xx
Thanks Romey, I’m so glad that the revisit has been helpful to you as it most surely was for me. When I’m feeling the loss of Dom acutely, I actually find myself drawn to my old posts…when they are heavy it helps me to see myself with more compassion than I’m presently finding. And then I look at ones like this and I feel I’m reacquainting myself with the me who wants so much to do more than simply survive this.
And of course, the comments I also reread from this frankly brilliant community of other bereaved parents, well they I agree are the cherry on the top. I honestly can’t imagine being where I am today without the connections I’ve made, including with Lyra’s mum. We are all in the same boat, but using our collective heft and courage to steer it away from the rocks, together.
One of the reasons I read your words Esther, aside from the fact you write so well is the wisdom you share. There’s a lot we can learn, even if we are not bereaved parents. X
The linguistic distinction between 'moving on' and 'moving with' is nothing short of profound. Society often pressures bereaved individuals with language like 'acceptance' or 'getting over it'—words that feel abhorrent because they imply leaving the loved one behind. Reframing healing not as a betrayal or a forgetting, but as an intentional decision to carry that enduring love forward into a brighter future, offers a magnificent, dignified lifeline for navigating profound loss.
I love your what you say here Jay, especially that you referenced how making the decision to jettison simplistic and reductive responses to our loss suggests that, instead of detaching from should the person we love so very deeply, we can create a ‘magnificent, dignified lifeline’ to them. Thank you for these insightful words and the restack. Both much appreciated 🙏❤️
Thank you, Esther. ❤️ That means a great deal to me. Your essay gave voice to something I think many people feel but struggle to express—that love doesn't end when someone dies; our relationship with that love simply changes. I'm grateful you shared such a compassionate perspective with all of us.
Forever forward is a battle cry, but sometimes we don't have the energy for a battle, as it may be a battle just to get out of bed. I love 'facing forward' as the intention is always there without the need to put on armor or battle our way through the day. It's more subtle and internal. The language we use DOES matter. Thank you.
Thank YOU Nikki. There’s so much battling in this kind of grief, isn’t there. And I think a great deal of wasted energy expended, as a result. Seeing where our efforts are best placed now, in terms of our ongoing healing, that is what matters. Appreciate you 🙏❤️
Esther, your unflinching honesty coupled with dashes of authentic optimism connect past and present with enduring love. In my opinion , this love and honesty are threads that connect all your work - making each piece so uniquely your own.
At the risk of repeating myself, one of the reasons I most appreciate your work is the way you remind me of the true meaning of life - to be where we are honestly, and to love one another fiercely through it all.
Thanks Karin, I really appreciate your endorsement of my writing. Sometimes I worry that I might be repeating my through-line too much! Glad it feels more like a thread, just as you’ve described it.
Isn’t Substack wonderful…seeing others, and being seen in return. I love both. Bless you Karin 🙏❤️
Yes, the way Substack allows us to see and be seen is a wonderful gift - and one I didn’t expect.
To inquire how someone's heart and being are feeling in the present moment is sorely needed. Just as you stated, not what this grief and loss may become in time, what it is right now. I am going to be dropping down within this and feeling about. A dear friend of mine said she has been feeling 'wonky.' On our last call I asked what wonky means and feels like for her. It was a fascinating call, because we often use our point of reference as that is what we know, yet to ask what it means for another? This is where the gold lives, I believe. Appreciate you team Esther and Dom. You are shining brightly and are our gold. Xo 🌠💫
I’m so touched by your words, Joanie (and Nikki 🥰) I remember in those early days feeling that my job must surely be to find a way out of the pain. Now, with hindsight, I realise that it was to find my love for Dom within it. In my end comments I wanted to recognise this; as you say we don’t always give permission to the griever to BE with the person they’ve lost, even though it’s what their heart is desperately asking for.
Appreciate you both 🙏❤️
Joanie, this is so true, and questioning it makes them feel seen, and then understood. We all need a witness in our darkest hour. BEautiful point.
I don't think any parent will ever forget the acute pain of losing a child, but in time facing forward we can continue to live and love the child on the other side of the veil. As always, I enjoy your thought provoking writing. It matters not if it was written recently or in the past. Your words land well.
Thanks Nancy…some things will always stay with us. And being able to use what still remains very real for us for others in the dark place we were in, well that feels like something worth doing now ❤️
And sometimes I facing the dirt, my head buried.
Forever forward in this life’s journey.
❤️❤️❤️
I'm now into the second year since my daughter's suicide and yes, there are more and more bearable and even good moments. I remember the first time I had an evening with friends where I actually laughed and had fun. It was quite hard to overcome feeling guilty about this. Thanks for the phrase "facing forward'. I love that.
I’m glad you can get behind it too. It’s so important isn’t it to have a language which honours our grief, I know that since this tragedy I have a strong need to relate how this loss feels in a way that is authentic. It sounds as if your natural thirst for living has started to make itself known and personally I see this as a cause for celebration…and honestly, I think your daughter would too.
Sending love and thank you so much for your commenting here Colleen 🤗🙏❤️
I remember reading this amazing post last year Esther and how it offered me such a life raft of hope to cling to. It is such a gift to be able to reread this now, not only with your beautiful reflections and perspective, but also with a sense of my own perspective too, and all the insightful and wonderful comments are the cherry on top! 🍒Thank you so much 🙏🏻💛Xx
Thanks Romey, I’m so glad that the revisit has been helpful to you as it most surely was for me. When I’m feeling the loss of Dom acutely, I actually find myself drawn to my old posts…when they are heavy it helps me to see myself with more compassion than I’m presently finding. And then I look at ones like this and I feel I’m reacquainting myself with the me who wants so much to do more than simply survive this.
And of course, the comments I also reread from this frankly brilliant community of other bereaved parents, well they I agree are the cherry on the top. I honestly can’t imagine being where I am today without the connections I’ve made, including with Lyra’s mum. We are all in the same boat, but using our collective heft and courage to steer it away from the rocks, together.
❤️❤️❤️
One of the reasons I read your words Esther, aside from the fact you write so well is the wisdom you share. There’s a lot we can learn, even if we are not bereaved parents. X
Ah Margaret, thank you…these are lovely words to read, I’m really glad to know what I say has that wider scope x
The linguistic distinction between 'moving on' and 'moving with' is nothing short of profound. Society often pressures bereaved individuals with language like 'acceptance' or 'getting over it'—words that feel abhorrent because they imply leaving the loved one behind. Reframing healing not as a betrayal or a forgetting, but as an intentional decision to carry that enduring love forward into a brighter future, offers a magnificent, dignified lifeline for navigating profound loss.
I love your what you say here Jay, especially that you referenced how making the decision to jettison simplistic and reductive responses to our loss suggests that, instead of detaching from should the person we love so very deeply, we can create a ‘magnificent, dignified lifeline’ to them. Thank you for these insightful words and the restack. Both much appreciated 🙏❤️
Thank you, Esther. ❤️ That means a great deal to me. Your essay gave voice to something I think many people feel but struggle to express—that love doesn't end when someone dies; our relationship with that love simply changes. I'm grateful you shared such a compassionate perspective with all of us.
Thanks Jay 🙏❤️
Forever forward is a battle cry, but sometimes we don't have the energy for a battle, as it may be a battle just to get out of bed. I love 'facing forward' as the intention is always there without the need to put on armor or battle our way through the day. It's more subtle and internal. The language we use DOES matter. Thank you.
Thank YOU Nikki. There’s so much battling in this kind of grief, isn’t there. And I think a great deal of wasted energy expended, as a result. Seeing where our efforts are best placed now, in terms of our ongoing healing, that is what matters. Appreciate you 🙏❤️