Oh Elaine, I’m so incredibly moved by your sharing this with me, and at such a tender time in your own journey honouring Elliot. What a wonderful way for Eliot’s impact to be continuing through Mo-Ranch…and how amazing that the email came today. ✨
Co-Destiny speaks to so many of us I think because the relationship with our child truly never ends…and finding a way to express and maintain it in the way which is most meaningful to us and them softens the physical goodbye which is such a source of pain to us. They are still with us, these precious boys and girls…we just need to look in the right places ❤️
Thank you Julie❤️Somehow we find our own way to move forward carrying this enormous loss. Who would have thought that was possible, at the beginning? It helps me enormously to know I’m not on my own 🙏
Esther, thank you for naming this path through grief. Has been on my heart today, as tomorrow marks the 7th year since Elliot's accident. Today, I received a thank you email for the gift we made in Elliot's name to help support Mo-Ranch, a camp on the Guadalupe in the Texas Hill Country we attended as a family when Elliot and his brother were young. The camp was gravely damaged but it is housing first responders, volunteers and those still without homes. My heart is filled to overflowing because this is the "destiny" work you speak of. The grace to carry his memory and continuing impact forward along with the grief. I am grateful for the divine timing of your post and and the message from Mo. Hugs . . This is everything..💔💜
Oh Elaine, I’m so incredibly moved by your sharing this with me, and at such a tender time in your own journey honouring Elliot. What a wonderful way for Eliot’s impact to be continuing through Mo-Ranch…and how amazing that the email came today. ✨
Co-Destiny speaks to so many of us I think because the relationship with our child truly never ends…and finding a way to express and maintain it in the way which is most meaningful to us and them softens the physical goodbye which is such a source of pain to us. They are still with us, these precious boys and girls…we just need to look in the right places ❤️
Since my son Tal died almost a year ago, I find myself in love with how much Tal valued Friendship. I always admired his love for the Village and commitment to be a Gardener who invested his goodwill in building strong bonds with people that he came to know as a youth and man and father. Tal was social in that way. He traveled the world and I realize now that I reflect on things, that Tal became sort of a World Citizen. The more he stretched out and the more that Tal visited other places, the more I realize that he also left some of the person that he would become here and there. So, when he came home, we had our Tal but there was more to Tal than that. He kept growing and he kept seeking and he was always drawn to building connections and relationships with other people. And I know that I must find a way to help young people develop and to value their power to be a friend but also to seek and find true friends in a time when many young people seek, no they need, the power of the bonds of friendship and to hold the seeds of Friendship in their hands like Tal chose to do and release the seeds gently but naturally onto the earth!🌍 when I get the power and when I can heal enough to ‘ take it away’ then I also would like to do something special with this devastating event. Tal left this Plain. I need him more than ever now.
Bless you, Ashanti. It sounds as if Tal’s legacy is in such safe hands with you…not only did you see him for the wonderful man he had become, you are determined, in the long run, to do something positive with the life you have now he’s left this earth. He would so love your decision. I wish you peace ❤️🙏
Thank you for sharing the Dual Processing Model with me. I am floored! I experienced it before I read about it, even using the word “oscillating!” Very grateful to find your pieces, Esther.
You’re welcome…the word oscillating immediately drew me into your post! Isn’t it good when we read words which exactly describe our feelings, knowing we got there first ❤️❤️❤️
I was so moved by how you ended this post, Esther - that Dom walks beside you as you both do the work and share a destiny. What a beautiful way of looking at it. And you do incredible work for those who need to hear it. Your posts are heartfelt, important, and filled with wisdom, and I always learn something. Thank you, dear Esther. 🤍
Thank you Marcia, finding something tangibly good to do with what can feel like an utterly hopeless situation motivates me to see it through a gentler yet deeply purposeful lens. It’s so appreciated that you have endorsed this in your lovely response 🙏❤️
Co-destiny, what a fabulous phrase (kind of makes you think about grief as a heroes journey which I think is a bit of what us grievers deserve!!). Gorgeous photo of you both xx
I meant to reply…sorry for delay Philip. I really love your words here. They help me to see that I’ve progressed beyond simply carrying the pain to making something good from it. Thank you for this 🙏❤️
I am a certified grief educator trained by David Kessler, who has a theory called Finding Meaning. He worked with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross on the book Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. Kessler also wrote Finding Meaning, the 6th Stage. I strongly relate to this idea; although during early grief, who wants to consider meaning or purpose?
When I write about mental health and grief, it’s not just to raise awareness; it’s for Kevin. It’s for people like him who are still here, silently struggling behind masks. I want to tell the truth, which he couldn’t always say out loud. I want to help create a world where people don’t have to suffer in silence. I hold space for others in grief because I understand how lonely it can be. And in moments when the pain is sharp, I pause and ask: What would Kevin have done? What would he have said? That’s how I keep his legacy alive. With every word, prayer, and act of kindness, I carry him with me, and I aim to raise awareness about mental health, to enlighten others, and to break the silence.
Oh I’m so glad Nancy. I remember when I first read about it, suddenly (metaphorically speaking) the clouds opened and a ray of sunlight came through 🌤️
A stunning picture of the two of you. Have you considered having someone paint it? I can envision it. The only way that I have been able to live into loss is by being in relationship to my son now. It was what I expressed to him was the only way my heart could continue to beat earth side. Thank goodness he has been teaching me, and that I have had utmost patience with myself on those DDD (difficult Douglas days.)
Loving care to each of us who land here, and to your heartfelt sharing, Esther. I am listening. 💜🪶💜
A dear friend of ours painted Douglas and captured his essence so beautifully. At first, I wasn’t sure how my heart would feel, yet the moment I saw it, it was perfect. I say hello to him daily as I pass the painting among other times as well. Indeed, we validate one another on this path. It’s such a gift. A blessing that birthed from such an abrupt rupture. 💝
I’m really pleased that you find these things helpful too, Molly. This thing becomes so much ‘manageable’ when we lower our expectations of what we can cope with. Of course, often easier to see in retrospect. I’m glad you like ‘Co-Destiny’ too…and thank you for your lovely comments on the photo of me and Dom 😍
Oh Elaine, I’m so incredibly moved by your sharing this with me, and at such a tender time in your own journey honouring Elliot. What a wonderful way for Eliot’s impact to be continuing through Mo-Ranch…and how amazing that the email came today. ✨
Co-Destiny speaks to so many of us I think because the relationship with our child truly never ends…and finding a way to express and maintain it in the way which is most meaningful to us and them softens the physical goodbye which is such a source of pain to us. They are still with us, these precious boys and girls…we just need to look in the right places ❤️
I really identified with this post. Thank you. My husband subscribes to co-destiny. I’m getting there.
Thank you Julie❤️Somehow we find our own way to move forward carrying this enormous loss. Who would have thought that was possible, at the beginning? It helps me enormously to know I’m not on my own 🙏
I always find your words incredibly brave and moving Esther. Thank you for sharing them. It is also an absolutely gorgeous picture of you and Dom.
Thank you….that photo’s one of my favourites 🥰
I really appreciate your words Margaret. Makes me feel braver 🙏
Such a lovely photo. My one mate lost her son to suicide some years ago and I’ve had mates commit suicide since the 1970’s.
It’s so brave and beautiful that you are doing this, Esther.
My mate says no one wants to talk with her wrt her beloved son but she knows I will listen and “just be there” with her as she shares.
Kindest regards
Carol Power
Johannesburg
South Africa
It’s so sad for your friend, I’m glad she’s got you to support her so beautifully.
Thanks for your kind responses to my writing, they’re always really appreciated Carol ❤️
Esther, thank you for naming this path through grief. Has been on my heart today, as tomorrow marks the 7th year since Elliot's accident. Today, I received a thank you email for the gift we made in Elliot's name to help support Mo-Ranch, a camp on the Guadalupe in the Texas Hill Country we attended as a family when Elliot and his brother were young. The camp was gravely damaged but it is housing first responders, volunteers and those still without homes. My heart is filled to overflowing because this is the "destiny" work you speak of. The grace to carry his memory and continuing impact forward along with the grief. I am grateful for the divine timing of your post and and the message from Mo. Hugs . . This is everything..💔💜
Oh Elaine, I’m so incredibly moved by your sharing this with me, and at such a tender time in your own journey honouring Elliot. What a wonderful way for Eliot’s impact to be continuing through Mo-Ranch…and how amazing that the email came today. ✨
Co-Destiny speaks to so many of us I think because the relationship with our child truly never ends…and finding a way to express and maintain it in the way which is most meaningful to us and them softens the physical goodbye which is such a source of pain to us. They are still with us, these precious boys and girls…we just need to look in the right places ❤️
Since my son Tal died almost a year ago, I find myself in love with how much Tal valued Friendship. I always admired his love for the Village and commitment to be a Gardener who invested his goodwill in building strong bonds with people that he came to know as a youth and man and father. Tal was social in that way. He traveled the world and I realize now that I reflect on things, that Tal became sort of a World Citizen. The more he stretched out and the more that Tal visited other places, the more I realize that he also left some of the person that he would become here and there. So, when he came home, we had our Tal but there was more to Tal than that. He kept growing and he kept seeking and he was always drawn to building connections and relationships with other people. And I know that I must find a way to help young people develop and to value their power to be a friend but also to seek and find true friends in a time when many young people seek, no they need, the power of the bonds of friendship and to hold the seeds of Friendship in their hands like Tal chose to do and release the seeds gently but naturally onto the earth!🌍 when I get the power and when I can heal enough to ‘ take it away’ then I also would like to do something special with this devastating event. Tal left this Plain. I need him more than ever now.
Bless you, Ashanti. It sounds as if Tal’s legacy is in such safe hands with you…not only did you see him for the wonderful man he had become, you are determined, in the long run, to do something positive with the life you have now he’s left this earth. He would so love your decision. I wish you peace ❤️🙏
Thank you for sharing the Dual Processing Model with me. I am floored! I experienced it before I read about it, even using the word “oscillating!” Very grateful to find your pieces, Esther.
You’re welcome…the word oscillating immediately drew me into your post! Isn’t it good when we read words which exactly describe our feelings, knowing we got there first ❤️❤️❤️
absolutely.
And, I thank you for "introducing me" to your work and the work of others in this club.
I was so moved by how you ended this post, Esther - that Dom walks beside you as you both do the work and share a destiny. What a beautiful way of looking at it. And you do incredible work for those who need to hear it. Your posts are heartfelt, important, and filled with wisdom, and I always learn something. Thank you, dear Esther. 🤍
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you Marcia, finding something tangibly good to do with what can feel like an utterly hopeless situation motivates me to see it through a gentler yet deeply purposeful lens. It’s so appreciated that you have endorsed this in your lovely response 🙏❤️
You're amazing, Esther. What a beautiful soul you have 🤍
Co-destiny, what a fabulous phrase (kind of makes you think about grief as a heroes journey which I think is a bit of what us grievers deserve!!). Gorgeous photo of you both xx
Thank you darling ❤️❤️❤️ Couldn’t agree more xx
Co-Destiny - a transformative concept! Now that I’m older and have lost many dear ones, this lovely approach resonates beautifully.
I can even take this one step further and ponder how I will live on in co- destiny when it’s time for me to pass.
Your continued relationship with your precious son is a beacon toward healing for so many.
Thank you Karin. I love how you have taken that extra step too…it really works in any direction doesn’t it ❤️
You really are an inspiration Esther. These posts are so moving, yet powerful and hopeful at the same time.
I can only ever wish you love and admiration.
I meant to reply…sorry for delay Philip. I really love your words here. They help me to see that I’ve progressed beyond simply carrying the pain to making something good from it. Thank you for this 🙏❤️
I hope you can see it that way Esther. If not all the time, at least some of the time. From there I’m sure the good will grow.
This is beautifully written, Esther. We will always be entwined with our children, till we meet them again on the other side. Sending love. <3
Thank you Rea…yes, it’s a comforting thought isn’t it. Right back at you 🫂 And thank you for the restack 🙏
I love, I love the photo of you and Dom!
I am a certified grief educator trained by David Kessler, who has a theory called Finding Meaning. He worked with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross on the book Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. Kessler also wrote Finding Meaning, the 6th Stage. I strongly relate to this idea; although during early grief, who wants to consider meaning or purpose?
When I write about mental health and grief, it’s not just to raise awareness; it’s for Kevin. It’s for people like him who are still here, silently struggling behind masks. I want to tell the truth, which he couldn’t always say out loud. I want to help create a world where people don’t have to suffer in silence. I hold space for others in grief because I understand how lonely it can be. And in moments when the pain is sharp, I pause and ask: What would Kevin have done? What would he have said? That’s how I keep his legacy alive. With every word, prayer, and act of kindness, I carry him with me, and I aim to raise awareness about mental health, to enlighten others, and to break the silence.
Thank you Chano. Honouring our child is something we mums do in their name, and to bring healing to so many others too ❤️
I really like the idea of co-destiny. This post set so well with where I am right now.
Oh I’m so glad Nancy. I remember when I first read about it, suddenly (metaphorically speaking) the clouds opened and a ray of sunlight came through 🌤️
Yes, exactly. Dom and Sheila are not done teaching.
A stunning picture of the two of you. Have you considered having someone paint it? I can envision it. The only way that I have been able to live into loss is by being in relationship to my son now. It was what I expressed to him was the only way my heart could continue to beat earth side. Thank goodness he has been teaching me, and that I have had utmost patience with myself on those DDD (difficult Douglas days.)
Loving care to each of us who land here, and to your heartfelt sharing, Esther. I am listening. 💜🪶💜
🥰🙏
❤️❤️❤️
Funny you should say about a painting…a friend who lost her daughter had someone doing that for her and the thought is already in my mind!
DDD…reminds me of how I find different ways to code-name things…it helps doesn’t it, these short-hands to the pain-points.
Thanks for being such a validating reader Joanie 🙏
A dear friend of ours painted Douglas and captured his essence so beautifully. At first, I wasn’t sure how my heart would feel, yet the moment I saw it, it was perfect. I say hello to him daily as I pass the painting among other times as well. Indeed, we validate one another on this path. It’s such a gift. A blessing that birthed from such an abrupt rupture. 💝
I’m really pleased that you find these things helpful too, Molly. This thing becomes so much ‘manageable’ when we lower our expectations of what we can cope with. Of course, often easier to see in retrospect. I’m glad you like ‘Co-Destiny’ too…and thank you for your lovely comments on the photo of me and Dom 😍